Sure, I still have the urge to color (which I fulfill occasionally). Yes, I'm still waiting to get my Barbie Dream Townhouse that I'll play with every day. And I can't resist the call of a swingset. But I'm still an adult, unfortunately.
I think the transformation started 2 years ago. I lost a good job, and there wasn't another one like it around the corner. I spent the better part of a year with absolutely no money, living in an extra bedroom at my grandma's house because my electricity got shut off and I had no means to get it turned on again. I had to scrape together every cent I could just to keep my (rental) house and not get my car repossessed. Then I got my current job, and I slowly caught up. 2009 was a much better year financially. I didn't realize until I was fully caught up on my bills and able to do things I really wanted to that my financial problems had been one of the biggest causes of my bouts with depression.
That phrase is so fucking cliche.
I met the boyfriend in October, just before my birthday. I had resigned myself to staying single until I got to NC, and then he came along. Now, he's looking into getting a job there and I'm worrying about saving money as quickly as possibly so we can there before we have to live through another Illinois winter.
See? Goals.
Then there's the one thing that I never thought would happen. Later today, we're going to look at rings. Yes, those rings. I want this, and I want him. I'm even letting myself get excited about everything. I lost count of all the people who have let me down over the years, and he hasn't. He won't. He's the kind of guy I started looking for when I realized that no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't fix every hopelessly heartbroken guy in the world.
Last night, we were sitting on the couch watching TV when I texted a guy friend. He's the boyfriend of a girl I'm no longer friends with, but he's still cool people. We also work together, and my mom works there too. I had to let him know not to mention any of the things we talked about at work to my mom. We sent a few texts back and forth, and the bf asked what was being said. I told him, and I didn't get upset that he was asking me.
See, the bf has been married twice. Both wives cheated on him. He trusts me, and he told me that being able to trust me so easily bothers him. I'm not sure how to explain that one... I understand what he meant, I just can't put it into words.
He apologized for being so suspicious. Really, who cares? I have nothing to hide from him. Yes, this guy friend and I joke around about sex when we talk. Neither of us are serious, or willing to cheat on our significant others. I'd rather explain to the bf who I'm talking to, what our relationship is like, and all that other jazz than have him wonder what I might be up to. He knows that I'm not like the other women he's been with, but they made him suspicious. I can deal with a little curiosity knowing that deep down, he realizes that I only want him.
In 6 weeks, we're going to Las Vegas. More than likely, we'll come back married. My belief has always been that marriage is forever. My parents are married to each other, and they taught me that wedding vows are permanent. Even after a close call last year, they still love each other. I want that. The bf has said that he'll get married one more time, and if it doesn't work out, he's done.
Divorce isn't in my vocabulary. Neither is the l-word, but I'll get to that in another post.
Ya know? This whole adulthood thing isn't so bad.
posted by Toni @ 3:11 AM
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